What Are You Waiting For?

As I had mentioned in an earlier Lenten writing, my morning begins with feeding our dog, India. If I were to attempt to sleep in, which is really any time past 5am, then India will be at my bedside, tight to the minute, whining at me.

“It’s feeding time boy, get up!” Honestly, the one morning that I would like to lay in bed into the six o-clock hour, even if just to lay awake pondering, is Friday. Friday is my day off, so a little extra ease into the day would be… relaxing.

Staying on point, India is my morning mirror, she often opens my time in conversation with the Divine. Her actions often mirror back to me the state of my heart. Am I patient with her, whether or not she is patient with me… which rarely is she ever with me… so my education is quite easy to discern.

This morning, mere seconds after she had devoured her food, she sat staring at me as I prepared my banana on peanut butter toast. She began whimpering at me, as if I had not fed her!

“I just fed you! What do you want? You’re acting as if you have not eaten in days, sheesh. What exactly are you waiting for?”

With that, a reading from a week ago began paddling down my mind’s river and into clear view.

It’s late in Jesus’s public ministry, he has healed and fed, taught and blessed. There have been amazing signs and wonders and meals and stories. Late nights and early mornings, so his twelve closest students have caught many a glimpse of a restored universe in less than 3 years of walking with their rabbi. Can the heart even hold that much beauty and goodness?

Then James and John, the sons of Zebedee, came to him. “Teacher,” they said, “we want you to do for us whatever we ask.”

Seriously guys? You’re acting as if you haven’t been fed yet. I really would like to think Jesus rolls his eyes, even if it’s hidden, because… fellas… seriously!

“What do you want me to do for you?” he asked. They replied, “Let one of us sit at your right and the other at your left in your glory.”

And to get a more full picture for how this question sits with the other ten… a few verses later we read:

When the ten heard about this, they became indignant with James and John.

I don’t doubt their annoyance at James and John, but reading around the story, I think we can comfortably say their annoyance is rooted in the fact that they want what James and John asked for too.

You all have been with Jesus for… well… everything, and you are still trying to sneak in a secret conversation to ask for additional status when he comes into his glory. This certainly reveals that they do not get it, because his glory will be revealed as he is stretched out on a Roman execution stake, leaving him naked, bleeding, and dying in the most excruciating way. Do you want to partake in that fellas?

The Presence that had paddled into my mind’s eye speaks, “Wow Wally, you have so much. You have seen and experienced so much. Take that in, really enjoy the goodness that was and is. Might you begin by blessing the Divine for ALL this goodness? Or will you immediately start whimpering, acting as if you haven’t just eaten? What exactly is it that are you waiting for?”

Go ahead and fill in that blank… another Amazon delivery? The new what? Phone, shoes, shirt, pat on the back? They are not necessarily bad things, but is there an end, or at least a decent pause to the consuming? Can you be content, at least long enough that the mirror doesn't reflect a whimpering you, acting as if you didn't just eat a full meal?

Wow. Good word India, er, Holy One. I most certainly have my breath prayer as I slink down into my office.

Inhale: “You… are… here.” Exhale: “Here… am… I.” Inhale: “You… are… here.” Exhale: “You… are… gooood.”